LESSON 9
THE PROCESS OF UPBRINING.
Theme: The Process of Upbringing.
v Upbringing as pedagogical category
v Directions of upbringing.
v Moral education.
v Landmarks in moral education development.
v Physical Education/Upbringing
v Intellectual Education/Upbringing
v Aesthetic Upbringing.
v Sexual Education/Upbringing
v New modern directions in education/upbringing.
Development of modern world has created new problems and new solutions for them. There was added a large diversity of educations: ecological education; education for peace; democracy and participation education; demographic education; economic education; fundamental rights education; etc.
These new directions can be implemented in following ways:
– inserting new subjects that study the above areas;
– creating special section that refer to these types of education as parts of basic subjects;
– providing additional, optional materials for detailed studing or organize conferences and extracurricular activities.
Education for peace: this category promotes communication and participative attitude between states. This is fundamental idea that can enhance peace. The main goal is to educate generations that will promote, respect and assure peace. The objectives are:
– personality building;
– studing specific characteristics, conditions and problems of peace promoting;
– using knowledge to share peace ideology to society.
Education for peace is based on ideas that exclude aggression, xenophobia, racism, etc.
Fundamental rights education: This type of education studies fundamental human rights and fights for rights like – minorities rights, women rights, children rights, freedom of thought, etc. the main goal is to make children understand in early ages the sense of the well-known phrase “My rights finish where the other persons rights start”. Fundamental rights education is oriented to:
– division of efforts in area of human rights. Children are taught to understand the purpose of each right and law and how to divide efforts in promoting human rights. It always starts with the idea that everybody should respect rights of persons who surround him/her;
– comparison of the right of different countries and relate it to the International Law;
– detection of weak points in human fundamental rights, and propose real solutions;
– movies and documental films examples to show in examples result of human rights violation.
Never exceed your rights, and they will soon become unlimited!
Ecological education: appeared as result of ecological problems that evolved on world scale. Ecological education aims children’s understanding of the fact that people and nature should be friends not enemies acting one against another. Ecological educatioecessity became clear when danger of natural disasters repeatedly appeared and took human lives. Humanity is on the edge of a world catastrophe, that’s why it is very important to educate future generations in the direction of:
– resources preservation and wise usage;
– pollution prevention; purification of waters, soil, aer, etc.
– usage of energies which are not polluting and are provided by nature: wind energy, water energy, wave energy, etc.
– biological species protection;
– assuring of a safe and healthy environment; etc.
Ecological education usually is integrated in basic subjects as a separate compartment. In
Ecological education is not just about saying ‘this should not be done’. Childreeed more arguments and explanations that will help them logically understand how any kind of pollution can influence their life or why should they protect biological species. First idea that should be explained to them is that human being is a part of nature and that nature acts like a system where all details should be in order in this way it will function perfectly.
Of course, human species and animal species are adaptive, but it is a long lasting process. Today nature and natural wanders change very fast and no living specie is able to time to certain conditions. Actual generations are responsible not just for themselves but for future of coming generation.
Professional orientation of students:
The course will let the students to evaluate analytically the cultural development of pedagogical thought in the different historical epochs; it will broaden students’ cultural and spiritual outlook; the students will be able to understand and analyze the artifacts.
The idea of personal development for over two centuries excites and invigorates education, its theorists and practitioners, continuing to undergo multiple transformations. It was, more than any other country, was obsessed with the idea of an integrated personality, which became widespread only in the late nineteenth – early twentieth century. She migrated from the literature and the arts in science, particularly in philosophy, sociology, psychology, pedagogy. It led to the formulation of problems of complex, multifaceted study of personality.
Personality – integrated, harmonious, comprehensive development – was the ideal our compatriots. It seemed to them the power to bring the country out impasse, in which she stayed too long. Knowledge obtained identity, were mainly the results of speculative reasoning, but they paved the way for more accurate, specific and experimental research. Idea individual was not a disease ofphilosophy and psychology. It is not an orphan without family and tribe. Her designs were very hypothetical ‘close to its people’s spirit, her mentality, theoretical and ideological quest.
Short Account on the Topic:
1. Upbringing as pedagogical category
Upbringing – (Social Science/Education) the education of a person during his formative years Also called bringing-up
– properties acquired during a person’s formative years
– helping someone grow up to be an accepted member of the community;
– The rearing and training received during childhood.
heritage, inheritance – any attribute or immaterial possession that is inherited from ancestors; “my only inheritance was my mother’s blessing”; “the world’s heritage of knowledge”
breeding, training, education – the result of good upbringing (especially knowledge of correct social behavior);
nurture, rearing, raising – the properties acquired as a consequence of the way you were treated as a child
bringing up, fosterage, fostering, nurture, rearing, breeding, raising
acculturation, enculturation, socialisation, socialization – the adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture.
Upbringing is humanity’s central problem. The future of every individual is closely related to the impressions and influences experienced during childhood and youth. If children and young people are brought up in a climate where their enthusiasm is stimulated with higher feelings, they will have vigorous minds and display good morals and virtues.
Little attention and importance is given to teaching cultural values, although they are essential to education. When we give them their deserved importance, we shall have reached a major objective.
Improving a community is possible only by elevating the young generations to the rank of humanity, not by obliterating the bad ones. Unless a seed composed of religion, tradition, and historical consciousness is germinated throughout the country, new evil elements will appear and grow in the place of each eradicated bad one.
Children’s literature, whether prose or verse, must impart resolution to the spirit, soundness to the mind, and strength to hopes so that we may raise generations with strong wills and sound ideas.
Educators who have not been apprenticed to a master and have not received a sound education are like blind people trying to light the way of others with lanterns. A child’s mischief and impudence arises from the atmosphere in which he or she has been raised. A dysfunctional family life increasingly is reflected upon the spirit of the child, and therefore upon the society.
In schools, good manners should be considered just as important as other subjects. If they are not, how can children grow up with sound characters? Education is different from teaching. Most people can be teachers, but the number of educators is severely limited.
Good manners are a virtue and are greatly appreciated in whomever they are found. Those with good manners are liked, even if they are uneducated. Communities devoid of culture and education are like rude individuals, for one cannot find in them any loyalty in friendship or consistency in enmity. Those who trust such people are always disappointed, and those who depend upon them are left, sooner or later, without support.
Our humanity is directly proportional to the purity of our emotions. Although those who are full of bad feelings and whose souls are influenced by egoism look like human beings, whether they really are human is doubtful. Almost everyone can train their bodies, but few people can educate their minds and feelings. The former training produces strong bodies, while the latter produces spiritual people.
The first school for children, whose souls are as bright as mirrors and as quick to record as cameras, are their homes. Their first educators are their mothers. Thus it is fundamental for a nation’s existence and stability that mothers be brought up and educated to be good educators for their children.
2. Directions of upbringing
The process of upbringing is characterized by its diversity and sees its aim – as well educated versatile person with high moral qualities. To fulfill the following goal the process of upbringing and educating the person should develop in many directions.
The most important directions of upbringing are:
§ Intellectual upbringing/education;
§ Moral upbringing/education;
§ Physical upbringing/education;
§ Public upbringing/education;
§ Ecological upbringing/education;
§ Aesthetic upbringing/education;
§ Sexual upbringing/education;
§ Law upbringing/education;
§ Labour upbringing/education.
Only in the complexity and combination of all abovementioned directions the process of upbringing can be accomplished and realized.
3. Moral education
Only a handful of educational theorists hold the view that if only the adult world would get out of the way, children would ripen into fully realized people. Most thinkers, educational practitioners, and parents acknowledge that children are born helpless and need the care and guidance of adults into their teens and often beyond. More specifically, childreeed to learn how to live harmoniously in society. Historically, the mission of schools has been to develop in the young both the intellectual and the moral virtues. Concern for the moral virtues, such as honesty, responsibility, and respect for others, is the domain of moral education.
Moral education, then, refers to helping children acquire those virtues or moral habits that will help them individually live good lives and at the same time become productive, contributing members of their communities. In this view, moral education should contribute not only to the students as individuals, but also to the social cohesion of a community. The word moral comes from a Latin root (mos, moris) and means the code or customs of a people, the social glue that defines how individuals should live together.
A Brief History of Moral Education
Every enduring community has a moral code and it is the responsibility and the concern of its adults to instill this code in the hearts and minds of its young. Since the advent of schooling, adults have expected the schools to contribute positively to the moral education of children. When the first common schools were founded in the
The colonial period. As common school spread throughout the colonies, the moral education of children was taken for granted. Formal education had a distinctly moral and religion emphasis.
Nineteenth century. As the young republic took shape, schooling was promoted for both secular and moral reasons. In
In the nineteenth century, teachers were hired and trained with the clear expectation that they would advance the moral mission of the school and attend to character formation. Literature, biography, and history were taught with the explicit intention of infusing children with high moral standards and good examples to guide their lives. Students’ copybook headings offered morally uplifting thoughts: “Quarrelsome persons are always dangerous companions” and “Praise follows exertion.” The most successful textbooks during the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries were the famed McGuffey readers, which were filled with moral stories, urgings, and lessons. During this period of our evolution as a nation, moral education was deep in the very fabric of our schools.
There was, however, something else in the fabric of moral education that caused it to become problematic: religion. In the
Twentieth century. During this same late-nineteenth-century and twentieth-century period, there was also a growing reaction against organized religion and the belief in a spiritual dimension of human existence. Intellectual leaders and writers were deeply influenced by the ideas of the English naturalist Charles Darwin, the German political philosopher Karl Marx, the Austriaeurologist and founder of psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud, and the German philosopher and poet Friedrich Nietzsche, and by a growing strict interpretation of the separation of church and state doctrine. This trend increased after World War II and was further intensified by what appeared to be the large cracks in the nation’s moral consensus in the late 1960s. Since for so many Americans the strongest roots of moral truths reside in their religious beliefs, educators and others became wary of using the schools for moral education. More and more this was seen to be the province of the family and the church. Some educators became proponents of “value-free” schooling, ignoring the fact that it is impossible to create a school devoid of ethical issues, lessons, and controversies.
During the last quarter of the twentieth century, as many schools attempted to ignore the moral dimension of schooling, three things happened: Achievement scores began to decline, discipline and behavior problems increased, and voices were raised accusing the schools of teaching secular humanism. As the same time, educators were encouraged to address the moral concerns of students using two approaches: values clarification and cognitive developmental moral education.
The first, values clarification, rests on little theory other than the assumption that students need practice choosing among moral alternatives and that teachers should be facilitators of the clarification process rather than indoctrinators of particular moral ideas or value choices. This approach, although widely practiced, came under strong criticism for, among other things, promoting moral relativism among students. While currently few educators confidently advocate values clarification, its residue of teacher neutrality and hesitance to actively address ethical issues and the moral domain persists.
The second approach, cognitive developmental moral education, sprang from the work of the Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget and was further developed by Lawrence Kohlberg. In contrast to values clarification, cognitive moral development is heavy on theory and light on classroom applications. In its most popular form, Kohlberg posited six sequential stages of moral development, which potentially individuals could achieve. Each stage represents a distinctive way an individual thinks about a moral situation or problem. Teachers are encouraged to engage students from an early age and throughout their schooling in discussion of moral issues and dilemmas. In the later years of his life, Kohlberg was urging educators to transform their schools into “just communities,” environments within which students’ moral stage development would accelerate.
The Return of Character Education
In the early 1980s, amid the widespread concern over students’ poor academic achievements and behavior, educators rediscovered the word character. Moral education had a religious tinge, which made many uneasy. Character with its emphasis on forming good habits and eliminating poor habits struck a popular and traditional chord. The word character has a Greek root, coming from the verb “to engrave.” Thus character speaks to the active process of making marks or signs (i.e., good habits) on one’s person. The early formation of good habits is widely acknowledged to be in the best interests of both the individual and society.
In addition, character formation is recognized as something that parents begin early, but the work is hardly completed when a child goes to school. Implicit in the concept of character is the recognition that adults begin the engraving process of habituation to consideration of others, self-control, and responsibility, then teachers and others contribute to the work, but eventually the young person takes over the engraving or formation of his own character. Clearly, though, with their learning demands and taxing events, children’s school years are a prime opportunity for positive and negative (i.e., virtues and vices) character formation.
The impetus and energy behind the return of character education to American schools did not come from within the educational community. It has been fueled, first, by parental desire for orderly schools where standards of behavior and good habits are stressed, and, second, by state and national politicians who responded to these anxious concerns of parents. During his presidency, William Clinton hosted five conferences on character education. President George W. Bush expanded on the programs of the previous administration and made character education a major focus of his educational reform agenda. One of the politically appealing aspects of character education, as opposed to moral education with its religious overtones, is that character education speaks more to the formation of a good citizen. A widely repeated definition (i.e., character education is helping a child to know the good, to desire the good, and to do the good) straddles this issue. For some people the internal focus of character education comfortably can be both religious and civic and for others the focus can be strictly civic, dealing exclusively on the formation of the good citizen.
Current Approaches to Moral Education
The overwhelming percentage of efforts within public education to address the moral domain currently march under the flag of character education. Further, since these conscious efforts at addressing issues of character formation are relatively recent, they are often called character education programs. The termprogram suggests, however, discrete initiatives that replace an activity or that are added to the school’s curriculum (e.g., a new reading program or mathematics program). And, although there are character education programs available, commercially and otherwise, most advocates urge the public schools to take an infusion approach to educating for character.
The infusion approach. In general, an infusion approach to character education aims to restore the formation of students’ characters to a central place in schooling. Rather than simply adding on character formation to the other responsibilities of schools, such as numeracy, literacy, career education, health education, and other goals, a focus on good character permeates the entire school experience. In essence, character education joins intellectual development as the overarching goals of the school. Further, character education is seen, not in competition with or ancillary to knowledge- and skill-acquisition goals, but as an important contributor to these goals. To create a healthy learning environment, students need to develop the virtues of responsibility and respect for others. They must eliminate habits of laziness and sloppiness and acquire habits of self-control and diligence. The infusion approach is based on the view that the good habits that contribute to the formation of character in turn contribute directly to the academic goals of schooling.
A mainstay of the infusion approach is the recovery, recasting, or creating of a school’s mission statement, one that reflects the priority placed on the development of good character. Such a statement legitimizes the attention of adults and students alike to this educational goal. It tells administrators that teachers and staff should be hired with good character as a criterion; it tells teachers that not only should character be stressed to students but also their own characters are on display; it tells coaches that athletics should be seen through the lens of sportsmanship rather than winning and losing; and it tells students that their efforts and difficulties, their successes and disappointments are all part of a larger process, the formation of their characters.
Critical to the infusion approach is using the curriculum as a source of character education. This is particularly true of the language arts, social studies, and history curricula. The primary focus of these subjects is the study of human beings, real and fictitious. Our great narrative tales carry moral lessons. They convey to the young vivid images of the kinds of people our culture admires and wants them to emulate. These subjects also show them how lives can be wasted, or worse, how people can betray themselves and their communities. Learning about the heroism of former slave Sojourner Truth, who became an evangelist and reformer, and the treachery of Benedict Arnold, the American army officer who betrayed his country to the British, is more than picking up historical information. Encountering these lives fires the student’s moral imagination and deepens his understanding of what constitutes a life of character. Other subjects, such as mathematics and science, can teach students the necessity of intellectual honesty. The curricula of our schools not only contain the core knowledge of our culture but also our moral heritage.
In addition to the formal or overt curriculum, schools and classrooms also have a hidden or covert curriculum. A school’s rituals, traditions, rules, and procedures have an impact on students’ sense of what is right and wrong and what is desired and undesired behavior. So, too, does the school’s student culture. What goes on in the lunchroom, the bathrooms, the locker rooms, and on the bus conveys powerful messages to students. This ethos or moral climate of a school is difficult to observe and neatly categorize. Nevertheless, it is the focus of serious attention by educators committed to an infusion approach.
An important element of the infusion approach is the language with which a school community addresses issues of character and the moral domain. Teachers and administrators committed to an infusion approach use the language of virtues and speak of good and poor behavior and of right and wrong. Words such as responsibility, respect, honesty, and perseverance are part of the working vocabulary of adults and students alike.
Other approaches. One of the most popular approaches to character education is service learning. Sometimes called community service, this approach is a conscious effort to give students opportunities, guidance, and practice at being moral actors. Based on the Greek philosopher Aristotle’s concept of character formation (e.g., a man becomes virtuous by performing virtuous deeds; brave by doing brave deeds), many schools and school districts have comprehensive programs of service learning. Starting in kindergarten, children are given small chores such as feeding the classroom’s gerbil or straightening the desks and chairs. They later move on to tutoring younger students and eventually work up to more demanding service activities in the final years of high school. Typically, these high-school level service-learning activities are off-campus at a home for the blind, a hospital, or a day-care center. Besides placement, the school provides training, guidance, and problem-solving support to students as they encounter problems and difficulties.
In recent years, schools across the country have adopted the virtue (or value) of the month approach, where the entire school community gives particular attention to a quality such as cooperation or kindness. Consideration of the virtue for that particular month is reflected in the curriculum, in special assemblies, in hallway and classroom displays, and in school-home newsletters. Related to this are schoolwide programs, such as no put-downs projects, where attention is focused on the destructive and hurtful effects of sarcasm and insulting language and students are taught to replace put-downs with civil forms of communication.
There are several skill-development and classroom strategies that are often related to character formation. Among the more widespread are teaching mediation and conflict-resolution skills, where students are given direct teaching in how to deal with disagreements and potential fights among fellow students. Many advocates of cooperative learning assert that instructing students using this instructional process has the added benefit of teaching students habits of helping others and forming friendships among students with whom they otherwise would not mix.
Issues and Controversies
The moral education of children is a matter of deep concern to everyone from parents to civic and religious leaders. It is no accident, then, that this subject has been a matter of apprehension and controversy throughout the history of American schools. Issues of morality touch an individual’s most fundamental beliefs. Since Americans are by international standards both quite religiously observant and quite religiously diverse, it is not surprising that moral and character education controversies often have a religious source. Particularly after a period when moral education was not on the agenda of most public schools, its return is unsettling to some citizens. Many who are hostile to religion see this renewed interest in moral education as bringing religious perspectives back into the school “through the back door.” On the other hand, many religious people are suspicious of its return because they perceive it to be an attempt to undermine their family’s religious-based training with a state-sponsored secular humanism. As of the beginning of the twenty-first century, however, the renewed attention to this area has been relatively free of controversy.
Contributing to the positive climate is the use of the term character rather than moral. While moral carries religious overtones for many, the wordcharacter speaks to good habits and the civic virtues, which hold a community together and allow us to live together in harmony.
A second issue relates to the level of schools and the age of students. The revival of character education in our schools has been evident to a much greater degree in elementary schools. Here schools can concentrate on the moral basics for which there is wide public consensus. The same is true, but to a somewhat lesser degree, for middle and junior high schools. And although there are many positive examples of secondary schools that have implemented broad and effective character education programs, secondary school faculties are hesitant to embrace character education. Part of it is the departmental structures and the time demands of the curriculum; part of it is the age and sophistication of their students; and part of it is that few secondary school teachers believe they have a clear mandate to deal with issues of morality and character.
A third issue relates to the education of teachers. Whereas once teachers in training took philosophy and history of education–courses that introduced them to the American school’s traditional involvement with moral and character education–now few states require these courses. At the beginning of the twenty-first century, the American schools are seeing the large-scale retirement of career teachers and their replacement with large numbers of new teachers. These young teachers tend to be products of elementary and secondary schools where teachers gave little or no direct attention to moral and character education. In addition, a 1999 study by the Character Education Partnership of half of the nation’s teacher education institutions showed that although over 90 percent of the leaders of these programs thought character education ought to be a priority in the preparation of teachers, only 13 percent were satisfied with their institution’s efforts.
Evaluation of Moral and Character Education
There are a few character education programs with encouraging evaluation results. The Character Development Project (CDP) has more than 18 years of involvement in several K–6 schools, and in those schools where teachers received staff development and on-site support over 52 percent of the student outcome variables showed significant differences. The Boy Scouts of America developed the Learning For Life Curriculum in the early 1990s for elementary schools. This commercially available, stand-alone curriculum teaches core moral values, such as honesty and responsibility. In a large-scale controlled experiment involving fifty-nine schools, students exposed to the Learning For Life materials showed significant gains on their understanding of the curriculum’s core values, but they were also judged by their teachers to have gained greater self-discipline and ability to stay on a task.
Still, evaluation and assessment in character and moral education is best described as a work in progress. The field is held back by the lack of an accepted battery of reliable instruments, a lack of wide agreement on individual or schoolwide outcomes, and by the short-term nature of most of the existent studies. Complicating these limitations is a larger one: the lack of theoretical agreement of what character is. Human character is one of those overarching entities that is the subject of disciples from philosophy to theology, from psychology to sociology. Further, even within these disciplines there are competing and conflicting theories and understandings of the nature of human character. But although the evaluation challenges are daunting, they are dwarfed by the magnitude of the adult community’s desire to see that our children possess a moral compass and the good habits basic to sound character.
Moral education of children
Many parents are concerned about laying a good foundation for their children that they might grow to become moral, responsible adults. In part, parents often rely on Sunday school or other types of religious education to help convey the message of morality. In raising moral children, there are a few points that bear remembering.
First, child rearing is a developmental endeavor. That implies that children progress through moral stages and understandings at a certain (variable) pace. There is little evidence that children can be hurried along the developmental journey. There is a developmental track for moral development, social development, and cognitive development. All areas of development come into play in our efforts to raise moral children. Jean Piaget, the famous developmentalist, reminds us that young children have not yet arrived at the stage of formal, symbolic thought.
Many parents will attempt to moralize with children in abstract, moral discussions-suitably “watered-down,” or so they think, to meet their kids where they are. However, if research on cognitive development is at all correct, it is unlikely that children are being “converted” to a moral or religious stance. They may say “yes” and seem to get the point, but it is unlikely that they do.
A much better approach is to work on actions involving simple reciprocity, things like sharing of toys and friends. Young children are naturally egocentric. By involving them in such simple understandings as “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours,” children come to see simple morality as pragmatic, paving the way for the later stages when formal reasoning makes children receptive to more abstract appeals.
In terms of social development, Erik Erikson would no doubt point us to those natural conflicts that occur at each advancing stage of development. In the early stages when a child struggles between trust and mistrust, and shame and guilt vs. autonomy, childreeed reassurance. If they are subjected to constant moralizing and put-downs, they will likely adopt an outlook of inferiority. In addition, they will become increasing likely to look to an outside locus of control. The best way to raise autonomous, responsible adults is by acceptance as opposed to constant correction. Erikson’s theory predicts that someone might “get stuck” at an early stage if that stage is not successfully navigated.
Furthermore, problems may appear during the adolescent identity crisis of even later in adulthood. Lawrence Kohlberg was a theorist of moral development. His theory reminds us that young children do not see the world in such philosophical categories as moral or immoral. Here the focus is on reward and punishment. What is good is what brings a reward. They also develop a sense of parity; one hand washes the other. “If you are nice to me, I’ll be nice to you,” is one of the earliest orientations. In late childhood, children reach a stage of wanting things to be fair and law-driven. Here they are concerned about following the rules. It is not until adolescence or later that kids begin to see right and wrong in truly moral terms. From this perspective, the best we can do is “play along” with development. We must never expect young children to have a truly moral view of things. This is something they are “nurtured into.”
If caregivers follow the rule of gentle persuasion and fairness, children will naturally move into an understanding of morality. What about religious instruction? James Fowler has spoken to this at length. Combining theories of earlier theorists, he has noted that the earliest claim to faith is affiliative. Children make “professions of faith” to please their parents and feel a sense of unity with them. It is very doubtful that children really understand the notion of freely chosen conversion before early adolescence. How do we put all of this together to get some direction?
Follow the developmental curve. Meet children where they are. Do not moralize with them, and do not expect more than they are able to deliver. Keep discipline mild, and aim it towards learning such socialization skills as sharing in a polite and caring way. Do not expect little ones to be too selfless. Remember that childhood is not a race; the stages cannot be bypassed. Accept children where they are developmentally, and provide a warm nurturing environment. If we “teach from behind,” letting the child’s natural developmental stages take the lead, we will be doing the best we can to raise moral, responsible children who grow into moral, responsible adults.
I. Upbringing of children.
1.- Each person’s knowledge of how to bring up a child usually comes from their surroundings and their own upbringing. Children are going through their adolescence before their final adult characters are beginning to take shape.
2.- Some parents think it is good for children to be allowed to run wild without control or supervision. They say that this enables children’s personalities to develop naturally and that they will learn to be responsible by the mistakes they make. However, this might lead to juvenile delinquency, with the children ending up in the courts, or it might simply make children self-centered, without any consideration for others.
3.- Other parents believe in being strict, but taken to extremes this can produce a too authoritarian atmosphere in the home, with the children being dominated and ruled by their parents. Parents can also be very possessive and try to keep their children dependent on them. These last two attitudes can encourage rebelliousness against parents, school, or, conversely, suppress a child’s natural sense of adventure and curiosity.
4.- Discipline is important when bringing up a child. Through discipline a child learns that some kinds of behaviour are acceptable and others are not.
II. The generation gap.
1.- The generation gap is differences between people of a younger generation and their elders, especially between a child and his or her parent’s generation. Old people are always saying that the young are not what they were. The same comment is made from generation to generation and is always true.
2.- These days, grown-ups describe children as difficult, rude, wild and irresponsible. The new generation has a very different view of the importance of work and money. The immediate post-war generation saw the creation of wealth as the most important thing in life, while today young people have other concerns and priorities. They have learned to take economic prosperity for granted and don’t feel the need to be workaholics.
3.- Some teens say: They (the older generation) think differently; they have staid ideas and won’t listen to new ones. Young people don’t get listened to by either parents or teachers. Some older people think the young are getting very lazy.
III. Teens.
1.- The most painful part of childhood is adolescence. There is a complete lack of self-confidence during this time. Adolescents are over conscious of their appearance and the impression they make on others. They feel shy and awkward. Feelings are intense, easily from tremendous rapture to black despair. And besides friends are becoming more and more important these yeas. At schools there are cliques who decide what is “cool”.
2.- Experts say that the rush to grow up is due to the mass media. Children desire to be independent and it creates behavior problems. Adolescents may rebel violently against parental authority.
3.- But even teenagers with supportive parents can fall in with bad company. A lot of children become addicted to drugs and alcohol because their life is hollow and they don’t think of life-long goals.
4.- There are teens with rich parents, that give them money and expensive things. Envy and the desire to possess the same things can push teenagers to committing a crime and it leads to juvenile delinquency.
5.- Nowadays children start using computers very early. The electronic universe replaces their contacts with friends and dominates their life completely, that creates mechanical mentality and inhibits their emotional development.
IV. Adult children.
1.- Parents spend with the children all their childhood and adolescence. Then children begin to build their careers and family, become a parent. This time is quite hard for parents who they feel very lonely without their children.
This is the time when they have to shift from using parental authority with their kids to being friends of these new adults. Even adult childreeed love and guidance from their parents from time to time. As children pass into adulthood, the time for independence for both parents and children is very important for a healthy parent-child relationship.
The majority of parents and adult children experience some tension and aggravation with one another. But parents generally are more bothered by the tensions – and the older the child, the greater the bother.
The following sources were used: “The Religious upbringing of Children,” by Archpriest Sergey Schukin; “The Orthodox Upbringing of Children in Our Days,” by Bishop Gregory Grabbe; and other Orthodox articles.
All aspects of a man’s life – his character, sense of responsibility, good and bad habits, ability to cope with difficulties, and his piety – are shaped primarily during his childhood. The bright memories of his childhood can strengthen and warm a man during trying times, and, contrarily, those who have not had a happy childhood can io way remake it. When we meet an orphan who has never had parental affection, or a step-son or step-daughter whose broken spirits are a result of difficulties at home, or those left to the care of strangers, we can sense in them the imprint of painful early impressions.
The absence of a religious upbringing unfailingly manifests itself in a person’s character – a sort of fissure can be perceived in his spiritual makeup. A child is extraordinarily receptive to religious impressions. He is instinctively drawn toward everything that opens up the beauty and meaning of life. Take this away from him and his soul will become dulled and he will feel lonely in an unfriendly and cruel world. Something similar happens with the physical appearance of a child. If he lives in dismal, damp surroundings, he will grow underdeveloped, ailing and without joy. In both cases of malady, physical or spiritual, the fault lies with the parents. On the other hand, when we consider prominent and successful people, people of great integrity and energy, we see that the majority of them came from large, hard-working families, brought up in religious traditions.
It may happen that in someone’s later life immoral behavior may weaken the faith in God that a person acquired in childhood. He starts neglecting religion and the salvation of his soul without any apparent hope of recovery, but God will not abandon a person who carries the seeds of goodness deep in his heart. When something frightening befalls him, he begins to recognize his limitations and helplessness and starts to reflect on the purpose of his life. Long forgotten impressions and instructions revive within him, and the grace of God again touches his soul. This helps him to come back to God. Thus, the hallowed memories of childhood become very helpful. This is why it is so important for parents to make every effort to lay a spiritual foundation in their children. When they are adults, they will appreciate their parents’ efforts.
In this pamphlet we will discuss the aim of a Christian upbringing and its main components. We will explain the importance of the family, of the church and of parochial school, and we will discuss some difficulties and errors in bringing up children.
Upbringing and the scholastic education
A Christian upbringing lays a moral and spiritual foundation in a child, while a scholastic education aims at developing his mental abilities. These are two different activities. There is no reason to think that scholastic education automatically facilitates the moral development of a child. Some people may be very educated but ill-bred and unspiritual. On the other hand, totally uneducated peasants can be highly spiritual and moral people.
Any upbringing, either within the family or the school, can only pursue temporary aims related to the needs of the family and society when divorced from religion. For instance, the aim of education in totalitarian countries is to make a person an obedient instrument of the government. In contemporary public schools in the
The aim of a Christian upbringing
A Christian upbringing aims to give children proper spiritual direction, so that they will be able to withstand temptations and become good and religious people. For this, they should not only learn rules of behavior but also develop integrity and a clear distinction between right and wrong. This goal of Christian upbringing is revealed in the prayers of the sacrament of Baptism. The priest reads the following words, among others: “O Master, Lord our God, call Thy servant (name) to Thy Holy illumination … Put off from him the old man, and renew him unto life everlasting … That he may be no more a child of the body, but a child of Thy Kingdom.” During Baptism, a person undergoes an important and substantial inner transformation: he dies to sin and is reborn spiritually. Here he receives all the tools for inner growth – the power to love God and to love everything that is good. These qualities liken him to the Incarnate Son of God Himself, as is sung during the procession around the baptismal font: “As many as have been baptized into Christ, have put on Christ” (from the epistle to the Galatians). The seed of the Holy Spirit is implanted; from now on, the responsibility for strengthening it and making it grow passes to the parents and god-parents.
Since our nature is two-fold, consisting of body and soul, every child needs not only physical but also spiritual nurturing. If the parents only nurture the child physically, while neglecting him spiritually, he will grow up a “child of nature” and a slave of carnal desires. St. John Chrysostom says the following about this: “To educate the hearts of children in goodness and virtuousness is the sacred duty of parents. The violation of this duty makes them guilty of spiritual infanticide … There are parents who spare no efforts to make their children happy and wealthy; but for their children to be good Christians – for such matters the parents have little need. This is a terrible shortsightedness! This is the very reason for the problems from which society groans … If the fathers strove to give their children a good upbringing, there would be no need for laws, or courts, or punishments. Prisons and executioners are necessary due to the lack of morality.”
The Gospel teaches that the principal thing in a man’s life is the proper state of his heart. One should understand “heart” as the center of one’s spiritual life, wherein all the feelings and desires are concentrated. Here is the location of the origin of a person’s behavior and moral attitude. If, according to the Savior’s words, “out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries…” (Matt. 15:19), then it should become evident that the main task of rearing a child is to give a proper direction to his heart. Because temptations are unavoidable, it is important to educate a child to distinguish unambiguously between right and wrong, to choose virtue and to despise immorality. Parents should nurture in their child a deep love of God from a very early age, before he loses his sensitivity and receptiveness.
When should the upbringing begin?
There are differing opinions regarding the best age to begin the spiritual upbringing of a child. Some parents think that in the first several years a child needs only external care, and consider him like some amusing kitten, unreceptive to spiritual influence. Such an opinion contradicts Christian teaching and experimental evidence. Psychology has established that a child is receptive to many external influences right after his birth. A certain scholar compared the subconscious process of a child to that of a movie strip, which records all perceptions non-stop. A child may as yet lie in the crib, but his soul already amasses impressions, picks up sounds, follows movements around him with his eyes, discerns voice intonations and even the mood of his parents. From all these non-stop impressions the child’s personality is formed, and after they sink into his subconscious, they cannot be blotted out by any means.
Besides, modern psychology has established that the impressions of early childhood play a decisive role in the subsequent development of men. For instance, some bad habits and infirmities in adults can be traced to negative impressions from early childhood. That is why parents should give the greatest care to the early impressions of their infant. Right from birth they should begin to develop not only the body but the child’s soul as well.
This is precisely what our faith teaches us also. In the Gospel we read that when some children were carried to Jesus, the disciples forbade the parents to approach, not wanting to disturb their Master. Seeing this, Jesus became indignant and said to the Apostles: “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the
Following the instructions of Jesus Christ and His Apostles, the Church teaches that a religious upbringing should begin at the earliest age. The Church’s wisdom and experience in connection with the upbringing of children is reflected in its services and customs. From his very birth, the Orthodox Church welcomes a child with several prayers: on the first day (the day of his birth), on the eighth (at the selection of his name), and on the fortieth (his introduction into the temple). These prayers contain petitions for the child’s physical and spiritual well-being and for his sanctification by Divine grace. Following Baptism, the church prescribes bringing the child to the temple and taking him to Communion as often as possible, having him kiss the Cross and the Holy icons and drink Holy water. All these would be in vain if children were unreceptive to spiritual impressions.
Thus, the most proper time for the enlightenment of the soul is early childhood. In fact, the ethical foundation of a person is laid during this period. The soul of a child, until six to seven years of age, resembles clay, from which one can mold his personality. After that age, the main characteristics have been established, and it is almost impossible to change them. A mother does the right thing when she brings her child to the icons, when she blesses him with the sign of the cross, when, overcoming her tiredness, she holds him in her arms during church services, and when she prays over his crib. With all of these actions she prepares him to be a good Christian.
The struggle with bad inclinations
Parents make a mistake when they consider their child to be completely free from evil. Experience shows that a child comes into the world not only with good tendencies but with bad ones also. Science calls them inheritances, and the Church, the seeds of original sin. Everyone is born with his nature partially corrupted by sin. That is why the education of a child should include some basic training on how to struggle against bad inclinations. Without this, the child will grow unarmed against temptations. When a child is abandoned to his own desires, then, no matter how talented he might be, his good qualities may become completely overwhelmed by his evil inclinations.
Every child bears some resemblance to his parents and relatives. Together with their physical characteristics, he assumes some of their spiritual qualities as well, which in general are a mixture of good and bad. The problem is that the bad predispositions often develop and strengthen much faster than the good ones. For example, in the herbaceous world, weeds are more robust and aggressive than garden and vegetable plants. In order to grow something worthwhile, one must constantly fight weeds.
Observing a child carefully, one caotice in him some germinating negative characteristics: occasionally he is capricious, or becomes angry, or may insist on doing something forbidden. At an early age children become lazy, are prone to slyness and deceit, and manifest greed and cruelty toward other children. At five years of age one can already see hints of his future character. If the parents do not teach him to overcome his bad inclinations, these may grow into passions and vices. Sometimes parents occasionally lament about their children: “Where does he get such stubbornness, capriciousness, and inclinations toward the forbidden? He does not see any of this in us.” Actually, there is no need to teach a child evil – it is already rooted in him. A mother observing her child said, “He clearly manifests the negative characteristics of his father.” Unfortunately, the good qualities are acquired with effort and constancy, while their opposites, as weeds, flourish on their own.
Young parents tend to underestimate these “weeds,” considering them mere signs of immaturity: “Let him grow a little, and he will realize by himself what is good and what is wrong.” Hoping that this will happen automatically, they leave his bad inclinations unattended and fail to teach him how to struggle with them. Some parents prefer to appease every capricious inclination of the child, adopting the attitude: “Anything for a quiet life!” Psychology and religion, on the other hand, teach that it is better to nip any manifestation of evil at its root before it takes hold. Failing to do so will allow it to become a habit. Afterwards parents will bitterly repent that because of undue mildness, they failed to discipline their child. St. John of Kronstadt writes the following: “Parents and educators, guard your children against capriciousness. Otherwise, they will infect their hearts with malice, losing their early holy love, and will bitterly complain at reaching adulthood that in their youth they were indulged in their whims. A whim is a germ which corrupts the heart.”
A child should always know what is permissible and what is not. Sensible prohibitions and light punishments are absolutely necessary. On understanding that the violation of imposed rules results in unpleasant consequences, the child will avoid the forbidden. Thus a healthy foundation will be laid in him, and his will, which is just beginning to form, will be prepared to submit to God-established moral laws.
The spiritual foundation
By nature, children are gentle, compassionate and sincere. These valuable qualities are as yet weak in them and have to be directed and strengthened. While the child grows, parents should strengthen in him a disposition to struggle automatically against any temptation as soon as it appears. Fortunately, every human being possesses a wonderful quality known as conscience. The task for parents is to develop and strengthen in their child a discerning conscience and to accustom him to listening to its voice. This task should be approached not abstractly, but from the religious standpoint, i.e., referring to God, whom we should love and obey. We are all responsible before him for our actions. Without such a religious foundation, an upbringing will be shaky and unconvincing.
Some think that the notions of God, of good and evil, etc., are too abstract and complicated for a child. Nevertheless, experience shows that, at three to four years of age, these concepts are accessible to a child when they are presented to him with visual support such as a holy pictures, the sign of the cross, simple prayers, religious music, and so forth. The pure child’s soul associates these first religious impressions with the voice of conscience, and thus a simple and healthy piety is formed within him. For those who would question the reality of childhood piety, we note that faith in God is an inborn human quality. Therefore, it is available to all, regardless of their age or mental development. The lowliest uneducated man as well as the highest scholar are both capable of believing in God. Each person comprehends and experiences the faith to his degree of development.
Because the Christian faith is so natural to humaature, it can be successfully rooted in little children, and their upbringing can be built upon it. One can only be amazed at how easily and deeply children accept faith in God and what a beneficial influence it has on them. Faith in God not only helps a child to fight bad inclinations, but it also helps him to understand many fundamental questions which are inexplicable in human terms regarding the nature of good and evil, the appearance of the world, the aim of life, etc. The main point is that faith in God is the key to the development of all the positive qualities in a child – piety, love, compassion, sensitivity, repentance and the wish to improve.
Every parent from his own experience may be convinced that the notion of God provides him with a powerful tool for the rearing of children. When we speak of God as the origin of every goodness and the Supreme Judge of mankind, we bring true notions of right and wrong into a child’s consciousness. We do this not with formal rules, but by helping him to perceive the Living Person Who stands over the world, and before Whom we all are accountable. This Supreme Being draws us toward good and repels us from all that is perishable. Thus a child recognizes sin as something shameful, harmful and subject to punishment. This notion of sin is not totally alien to a child because the feeling of fault, shame, and an elementary distinguishing between right and wrong is part of his nature. The Christian faith only clarifies and strengthens in him these deeply rooted notions.
The concept of right and wrong opens to the child the path of moral choice and an awareness of his responsibility before God. Now the child becomes aware that his bad actions not only transgress the requests of his parents but also the order established by God. He may be punished for his sins not only by them but also by his Heavenly Father. Furthermore, all spiritual and material welfare comes to him not only from human efforts, but also from the Lord Who provides for us. Holy Scripture designates such a spiritual state as the “fear of God” and teaches that it is the beginning of wisdom (Prov. 9:10).
The expression “fear of God” requires some explanation. It is far from that primitive fear which savages experience before the raging forces of nature. In accordance with the Gospel, our relationship with God must be expressed in filial love, and true love never pains its subject. For instance, a good son obeys his father not because he fears punishment, but out of love for him and unwillingness to distress him. Likewise, in the Christian faith, “God-fearing” is linked with the thought of God the Father, whom we do not wish to offend. Hence, “fear of God” is a disposition to venerate God and is a healthy feeling which should be experienced by every Christian. Religious upbringing demands the incorporation of this feeling into a child from the earliest age.
Domestic aspects
As mentioned above, while a child is small, he assimilates preeminently through his feelings. His will and intellect have yet to develop, together with his physical growth. Because an individual lives mainly by impulses and desires in the early stage of his development, it is important not to burden a child with moral admonitions and logical proofs. Upbringing begins with obedience, and the sooner a child becomes used to following the parent’s requests, the easier it will become later to instruct him. At first, some interdictions are necessary, like: “Don’t do that … You must not act like that … This is good.” As the child grows, positive direction and instruction should follow as well. Here some difficulties may arise, since words alone are not always sufficient to inculcate in a child the rules of conduct. Occasionally, one may meet with stubbornness and refusal. In order to overcome this, parents sometimes might have to resort to stronger actions.
There are two approaches: physical punishment and religious influence. Of course punishment is sometimes indispensable, but if it is applied too frequently, it may bring negative results. The child gets used to performing his duties “by the rod” and does not learn to follow his own good intentions. Besides, frequent punishment tends to make the child irate, secretive and distrustful, and leaves a painful imprint on his character.
A religious upbringing gives more successful results. There is almost no need to resort to corporal punishment when parents impress upon the child not their own rules, but those demanded by the Lord. A Christian mother may say to her child: “Don’t do that – the Good Lord does not like that … This is not allowed – the Good Lord does not allow that.” Or: “If you do this that way – God will punish you!” And if a child hurts himself because of his disobedience (like burning his finger), the mother may say: “See, God punished you because you disobeyed Him.”
Thus, step by step, the parents inculcate in their child the feeling of dependence on God. If he does something forbidden secretly, they can tell him: “Don’t think that the Good Lord cannot see what you are doing while I’m away! God sees everything,” – and while saying this they point to the Holy icon in the corner. One youngster wanted to steal some candy from the sideboard; he climbed up and turned the icon towards the wall “so the Good Lord would not see,” and his mother explained to him that God is everywhere and that it is impossible to hide from him.
It is not only prohibitions that should be admonished on religious grounds. Most importantly, positive requests to a child should be based on Divine authority. It must be explained to him that God is our Creator, the Source of life and happiness, and that He will help him to succeed in good actions. The child must understand that he can attaiothing without God’s help, and that the main tool for obtaining God’s help is prayer. Besides, it is necessary to teach the child to thank God for everything he has – life, health, food, happiness, for all material and spiritual things – and also to pray for his parents. From the earliest age the child should perceive God as his Heavenly Father, Who loves him and cares about his well-being. For instance, when a child stays home alone or is among strangers, the mother may console him: “You are not alone, the Good Lord always watches over you.” Also it is beneficial to explain to the child about the Guardian Angel, who accompanies and protects him. This will free him from the fear of darkness and being alone. To love God with the whole heart should be the ultimate goal of upbringing.
In order that these instructions not remain abstract, they must be reinforced with vivid illustrations and specific actions, like making the sign of the cross, attending services in Church, kissing icons, lighting candles, looking at biblical illustrations, common familial prayer, drinking Holy water, receiving Holy Communion, bowing the head, etc. Thus the child becomes habituated to following religious rules, and his will becomes used to submissiveness to the supreme will of the Creator. As the child develops, parents must direct his actions toward strengthening in him Christian piety. Its main characteristics are sincere faith, truthfulness, modesty, kindness, diligence, steadfastness, readiness to forgive, etc. If one adds to that the habit of the observance of important fasting periods and holy days, then there will be established for the child a favorable environment, which will make unnecessary any physical punishment.
If we compare this method of upbringing to others that exclude the Christian faith, we see that some parents resort to shouting, beatings, tedious lecturing, etc. This, of course, fails to elevate the child’s feelings. At the opposite extreme, there are parents who favor undisciplined and capricious behavior, which promotes all sorts of passions and bad habits. Both of these approaches can but only cripple a child. Is it not because of such diversity in upbringing that children differ so drastically in their characters: some are gentle, trusting, sensitive to all good and compassionate; others, on the contrary, are peevish, distrustful, heartless and capricious? A purely worldly upbringing robs the child of the most precious and highest human qualities.
Certainly, in an upbringing, the greatest influence comes not from words alone but from personal example. The behavior of those close to a child has the greatest influence on him. Children come into contact with two groups of people: with their own family and with outsiders – schoolmates, friends and neighbors. While parents may do their best to give a good example to their child, schoolmates and neighbors often influence him negatively. That does not mean that he should be isolated from people, because this would deprive him of the necessary preparation for life. Rather, parents should make sure that their child meets with good friends, attuned to Christianity, and that the influence of the family predominates. Here we summarize the main qualities that Christian parents should possess:
1) love of God above all,
2) love of their children in the Christian sense,
3) fairness to them and
4) consistency in their actions.
It is heartwarming to see how young couples, while striving to raise their children, pull themselves up, educate themselves and become better Christians. So it happens that not only the parents bring up their children, but the children educate their parents as well. It is desirable that both parents belong to the same Church. In the case of a mixed marriage, an agreement should be made between the couple (preferably prior to the wedding) that their children will be baptized and brought up in the Orthodox Church. Divergence of opinion regarding faith, and especially quarrels between parents, cause a rift in a child’s consciousness and causes great harm. Besides, when parents criticize or abase each other in the presence of the children, they undermine their authority.
In general, parents should be very careful about what they say in the presence of a child. Some may think that the child is too small to understand. But not being able to discern most of the details, the child nevertheless grasps the main direction and moral value of the discussion, and this can leave an unfavorable impression in his subconscious. This can later evoke some questions on his part that the parents will be unable to explain and raise doubts difficult to dispel. It is best to completely avoid mentioning some problematical subjects in the presence of children and also to avoid mocking others or showing disrespect to things which should be regarded as sacred. “Woe unto him, who shall seduce one of these little ones,” said Christ, “it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea” (Matt. 18:6).
Coercion
In some countries the theory of a “liberal upbringing” of children has gained popularity. This theory rejects all constraint and punishment and insists that a child must be left to himself so that he may freely express and develop his individuality. Can a Christian embrace such an approach to upbringing? Hardly, if he accepts what the Bible teaches concerning original sin and the corruption of human nature. Scripture unambiguously teaches that “the thoughts of man’s heart are evil from his youth” (Gen 8:21). Without spiritual guidance a child will learn to pursue only his egotistical interests and to reject any moral obligations. With time his conscience will become completely indifferent to the means of reaching the desired goal.
The Church, on the other hand, teaches that a child from a very early age must learn to discern between what is allowed and what is forbidden. The parents must guide their child’s actions so as to prepare him for an independent life based on spiritual and moral values. This guidance should begin as early as possible. At 10 to 12 years of age, it may be too late to correct shortcomings already acquired. In order to recognize the importance of constraint in upbringing, one should consider the following: (1) A child’s mind is not fully developed to understand unmistakably in all circumstances what is right and what is wrong. (2) Even when he understands, his will is too weak to withstand all temptations and to direct his actions toward good but difficult tasks. (3) A child becomes used to being responsible when he is asked to perform feasible things. (4) A sensible and moderate combination of guidance with punishment imprints on a child’s character a sense of moral responsibility and good habits.
Punishments that are not so much direct and corporal but are indirect and yet no less effective include: leaving meals without dessert, depriving him for a time of the usual games and TV, denying visits of friends and other pleasures, performing additional tasks, etc. One way or another, when words are found to be insufficient, one must exert influence on a child with a more productive method. (The saying, “Waste not words, when authority is required!” from Krylov’s fable, “The Cat and the Cook.”) Since every child is borot only with good, but also with bad predispositions, one must struggle with the latter from the very beginning. What kind of struggle can take place without restrictions and punishments? Remember your own childhood, and you will be convinced that knowledge and good habits did not come automatically but were obtained with struggle, persistence and sometimes with tears.
The significance
of the
Because the primary objective of the Church is to lead people towards faith and righteousness, the temple with its services and educational means can be a big help to parents in bringing up their children. Amidst surroundings of wantonness and disbelief, the temple stands as a spiritual lighthouse, an island of sanctity for adults and the young. Its setting and its divine services have a special beneficial influence on a child. The candles, the icons and frescoes, the smell of incense, the singing of the choir, the sound of church bells – all leave bright impressions on a young soul. When parents bring their child to church often, he becomes used to it and learns to love its inspiring services.
The Orthodox faith is rich in feast days, magnificent services and noble customs, which produce a steadfast influence on Christians. Bring to mind Palm Sunday, Passion Week and the procession with the Holy Shroud, the Easter service (which no one celebrates as joyously as the Orthodox), our blessing of the waters on Epiphany, the celebration of the Holy Trinity with its abundance of flowers and greenery, the bringing forth of the Holy Cross, the blessing of the fruits of the harvest on the feast of the Transfiguration … what a rich nourishment for the child’s soul! For their children’s sake, parents should make no excuses to skip church services.
The house of an Orthodox family is supposed to complement the holy environment of the temple. Of particular significance are common prayers, the beautiful corner with its holy images and glowing lamp, the first meal after Lent, memorial days, the blessing of homes and other religious celebrations. Because the religious upbringing of a child is attained not so much by means of the intellect as through feelings, children who attend church services and participate in family prayer become like a ploughed up field, receptive to the seeds of goodness, which in due time will bear fruit.
The first Confession at the age of seven comes as an important milestone in the life of a youngster. After Confession a person becomes as holy and chaste as after Baptism. It is vital that parents have taught their children by this age to note their shortcomings and to repent sincerely in what they have said or done wrong. His first Confession indicates to a youngster that he is becoming mature enough to begin consciously to strengthen his faith and to take responsibility for his actions. Formerly the sacrament of Communioourished him through the parental faith. Now he approaches the Holy Chalice with personal conviction. So, the preparation of a youngster for the proper partaking of his first Confession and first conscious Communion is a major accomplishment in the spiritual development of a child.
Starting from this age, or perhaps a little later, boys may begin to serve as altar boys, and girls to sing in the church choir or to assist in removing candle stubs in front of icons. This will accustom them to participation in divine services. Active involvement in the Liturgy and close contact with the priest draws a sensitive child toward the Church and toward spiritual life. This will broaden his horizons to understand that his earthly life is only the first step in his existence and that it has an important purpose.
The parish school
Public schools are often unable to stand against the ungodly and corrupting influences in society or to prepare children to choose properly between right and wrong. There are many internal and external factors that push the family toward disintegration and society toward moral decline. Noteworthy among these factors are the media and the movie industry, which swamp children with low-grade movies saturated with scenes of violence and sex.
To counterbalance the materialistic and antichristian environment which surrounds children, the parish school should give the children religious knowledge, which strengthens their faith and teaches them a proper way of life, including the means to resist temptations and to become true Christians. The purpose of the parish school is to deepen and enhance the religious fundamentals acquired at home. During catechism lessons, children systematically receive important knowledge: they memorize prayers, become familiarized with the sacred history of the Old and New Testament, and study the foundation of the Orthodox faith, the commandments of God and the content of the divine services. In the senior classes, we are behooved to familiarize the students with the particulars of heterodox denominations and with the proper approach to contemporary moral problems.
The parish school assists the family in the matter of religious upbringing, and the parent’s care of course goes much further than the school’s. The school gives theoretical religious knowledge, while the application of this knowledge is achieved within the family. Without a Christian atmosphere at home, all the information received at school will remain a theory that children will forget in the course of their years.
In conclusion one must note that neither the family, nor the school, nor the Church, can independently bring up a child. This is feasible only by a combined effort of these institutions. That is why the more there is interaction and mutual assistance among them, the more successful the upbringing of the children will be in their care.
Family structure
The Orthodox church always regarded the family as the main source of the Christian enlightenment of children. The Apostles used to call the family the “domestic church” and taught spouses to strive conjointly for a spiritual life.
To bring a Christian environment to the house, all members of the family should pray together. The best times for this are mornings and evenings. When possible, they should pray before and after meals. Combined prayer joins and strengthens the family. On Sundays all must attend church, observing the fourth commandment: “Remember the Sabbath day [day of rest], to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the day of the Lord your God” (Exod. 20:8). Giving us six days of the week, God kept one for Himself, but those Christians who devote the seventh day for themselves, “rob” the Lord of what belongs to Him and break their covenant with Him.
Discussions of spiritual topics and the reading of the Holy Scriptures, as well as the lives of the Saints and other edifying books, have a beneficial effect on the whole family and create a conciliatory atmosphere in the house. One cannot disdain the fast-days, which are periods set by the Church for the development of self discipline and religious firmness. The Lord Jesus Christ, as well as His disciples and the first Christians, all fasted on certain days. For instance, from the first century of Christianity, it became the norm to fast twice a week: on Wednesdays and Fridays. At that time the Great Fast, also know as Lent, was established for the period prior to Easter.
In the absence of a parish school, the job of catechismal instruction falls on the parents. It is certainly very helpful to this end that the children get used to reading a children’s Bible and other religious books on their own. Later they retell to the parents what they have read and learn how to apply what they have learned. These readings and conversations should be carried out on a regular basis because without consistency it is difficult to achieve lasting results.
Difficulties
One of the main contemporary problems is the preservation of the family. When families split, the whole society disintegrates. The statistics regarding the number of divorces and crimes among young people are alarming. What are the reasons for this social crisis? We think that the main reasons are the weakening of faith in God and the straying from Christian moral principles.
In order to preserve the family and to bring up children properly, it is imperative for parents to build the family on a Christian foundation. God and the salvation of the soul must take first place, and material goods second. Of course, this is not easily achieved in the present conditions of a sped-up pace of life and growing economic difficulties. If some years ago a typical family could exist on the earnings of one working person, usually the father, today it becomes necessary for both spouses to work. Thus parents become overworked and too busy to spend time with their little ones. When children feel lonely, they start meeting with neighbors and friends, who may be undesirable companions from a Christian standpoint. Sometimes tired and nervous parents start to quarrel between themselves, raise their voices and even insult each other. This creates an unhealthy atmosphere at home, which harms the spiritual development of the children.
In order to avoid this situation, it is necessary for parents to slow down their lives. It is preferable to lead a more modest life than to strive for an abundance with bitterness and disagreements. According to statistics, persisting economic problems and the pursuit of wealth often lead to divorce. Common prayer with children (to be said in the morning and evening) helps parents to find a balance in their everyday cares and draws God’s help to them.
Of course errors and misunderstandings are inevitable even in the healthiest and most religious family. Spouses must resolve their problems in frank and friendly discussions. It is good to adopt the rule of having amicable discussions of common concerns on a regular basis, supplementing them with prayer and the reading of Holy Scripture. This will attract Divine guidance and help. Both parents should learn to listen patiently to each other’s arguments and to respect each other. Never should one raise one’s voice, insult or abase another – especially in the presence of children. One must ask forgiveness before going to bed, even when one feels he or she is in the right. The Apostle Paul instructs spouses: “When angry, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil” (Eph. 4:26). If a couple neglects this advice, anger will accumulate more and more in their subconscious, and they will gradually become alienated from one another.
Parents must pay attention to what constitutes home entertainment, namely television and music, which have such a strong influence on children. Television would be an excellent invention if suitable programs were selected and it were used in moderation. In practice, television has an adverse effect on children. Occupying the most preeminent place in the home, like an idol in a pagan family, it not only devours a lot of time but also habituates children to a passive diversion of no educational value. Many studies report that TV programs as a rule are permeated with violence, triviality and even profanity. This is the most dangerous form of pollution. Besides, children who spend much of their time watching television have a poor learning record. They become wilful, rude and begin to manifest objectionable behavior early.
It has also beeoted that television has a hypnotic and obsessive effect. People who regularly watch TV develop such a passionate fondness for it that they cao longer live without it. In this regard it becomes similar to the habit of smoking or drinking. Television gradually takes away any desire to read, meditate, pray or do something worthwhile. Therefore, parents who, for the sake of their children, abstain from acquiring a television or keep it under strict control, do the right thing.
Music, as all art, should bring out in an individual elevated and noble feelings. There is a broad selection of good classical and folk music. Unfortunately, one cannot say the same about contemporary music, such as rock-and-roll or “heavy metal,” which brings out in the listeners stormy, erotic and wicked feelings. Some of these contemporary songs even contain anti-religious and occult language. Christian parents have the responsibility to protect their children from such pollution.
It may seem to some parents that many of the self-limitations imposed by our faith are too severe and unnecessary in our days. But they must remember the words of the Gospel regarding the perils of a wide road, followed by the majority, and of the narrow road leading to salvation. In these pre-antichrist times, Christians should realize that the world is wrapped in evil, and that, as Jesus said, the “prince of this world – is the devil” (1 Jn. 5:19; Jn. 12:31, 14:30).
Some families suffer from a halfhearted and superficial approach toward Orthodoxy. For instance, in pre-revolutionary
The struggles and difficulties that parents go through in the upbringing of their children have a positive aspect. Striving to direct their children to the righteous path, they simultaneously strengthen their own faith and grow spiritually. According to the Creator’s plan, this is the very object of the family. To teach others we have to learn first, and by saving others we save ourselves. When parents, realizing their ineptness and weakness in the task of bringing up their children, turn to God for guidance and help, God truly assists them, and family life flows safely under the shelter of the Almighty.
Conclusion
Thus, within the family, a person receives the foundation of faith, moral direction and the sense of duty. From the first days of his cognizant life, the new member of the family learns to appreciate the care and love of his parents. Hard work and even a kind of austerity are useful ingredients to a family’s environment: they strengthen the children’s characters, accustom them to work, and confer a sober outlook on life. The family is the guardian and disseminator of Christian tradition. Here a child receives his first spiritual impressions. Here is laid the foundation of faith, prayer and good deeds.
Child psychology teaches that toward the third year a child starts to realize his individuality and begins to say “I.” At this time parents should start to train him to be obedient. During the first several years of his life a child acquires approximately one third of the notions of an adult. After this, a person mostly broadens and deepens that which was imprinted on his soul during childhood.
From infancy, a child must learn what is permissible and what is not. This knowledge should be imparted to him not abstractly, but by putting it on a religious foundation – on faith in God and our relationship with Him – with love, thankfulness, and hope in His help. The notion of right and wrong gives a child a sense of responsibility. Now he realizes that any bad behavior breaches not only the demands of his parents, but also the natural order directed by God, Who may punish him for disobedience.
Simultaneously, parents should give to their child an example of Christian life. If they try only to stuff his head with dry rules, he will regard them as useless theories. A good example has a determining role in a child’s development. To this end, all the members of a family must strive to respect and love each other, to pray together, discuss religious topics, attend Church, take Communion often, observe fast days, and help the needy.
Failure in a child’s upbringing may evolve from the parents’ weak faith and engrossment in the material side of life. It may come also from their irritability and anger, which in turn are the results of selfishness and a lack of discipline. The irritability of parents summons a responding irritability in children.
Children must be protected from temptations, which usually seep into them through television and voluptuous music. If the parents insist on having a television in their home, they must restrict the amount of time they spend in front of the TV and also check the contents of what they watch.
It is crucial to remember that good results in rearing children are unachievable without a religious environment at home. The Church with its instructions, prayers and sacraments can only help parents in the process, and so mothers and fathers must strive to have the grace of the Lord in their home. This grace will guide and save their whole family.
A prayer for our children
O Lord, Our Heavenly Father, have mercy on our children (names), for whom we humbly beg You, and whom we entrust to Your care and protection. Instill in them the true faith, teach them to be reverent before You and deign them to love You dearly, our Creator and Savior. Direct them to righteousness, so that they do everything to Your glory. Teach them to lead a pious and virtuous life, to be good Christians and worthy people. Give them spiritual and physical health and success in their endeavors. Protect them from the wily snares of the devil, from many temptations, from bad passions and from all godless and disorderly people. For the sake of Your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, through the prayers of His most Holy Mother and all the saints, bring them toward Your calm refuge and Your everlasting Kingdom, so that they, with all the saved, forever thank You with Your only begotten Son and Your life-giving Spirit. Amen.
BIBLIOGRAPHY:
A. Principal:
1. The upbringing of children – http://www.fatheralexander.org/booklets/english/child.htm
2. http://www.thewaytotruth.org/pearls/upbringing.html
3. Principles of Upbringing children – http://www.al-islam.org/upbringing/
4. Moral Education – http://libr.org/isc/issues/ISC23/B8%20Susan%20Devine.pdf
5. BERKOWITZ, MARVIN W., and OSER, FRITZ, eds. 1985. Moral Education: Theory and Application.
6. Moral Issues – http://www.hi-ho.ne.jp/taku77/
7. Education – http://www.educativ.info/edu/dezvedue.html
